Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Your New Bad Habit on OBL

Although Denny had never heard of "Osama" bin Laden before the homicidal Sheik's recent demise, he still feels compelled to give all loyal DelVecchians the sensitive yet hard-hitting analysis of this watershed event that they have come to expect from Your New Bad Habit.

So, going to press this week, is Denny's OBL issue, which will include these breezy fluff-pieces so worthy of the maniacal fanatic:

Afterlife Mixup: Terror Chief Stunned to Only Find Homely 72 Year Old Virgin "Eileen" Awaiting Him in Paradise.

Reflective Nicki Minaj Admits Recent Track With Osama "Probably One Guest Jam Too Many."

Oh Someone's Bin Winning!: Toledo Mudhens an Amazing 3-0 Since Terror Honcho's Death.

U.S. Government Reportedly Buries Bin Laden at Sea in "Flattering Juicy Couture Ensemble."

A Contemplative America Eagerly Awaits Owl City's Latest Tweet on Osama's Demise.

Appropriately Reflective,
Denny DelVecchio

12 comments:

Denny's ExWife said...

Ummm... What about... "Come On Babe, Threesome with the Bearded Cave Dweller Dude Tonight?: Denny's Epic Tale of Terrorism Meeting the Love Plateau of DelVecchio and the Divorce that Resulted"

Dr. Cynicism said...

My guess is the Juicy Couture get-up is why Obama won't release any photos.

Vodka Filly said...

"Afterlife Mixup: Terror Chief Stunned to Only Find Homely 72 Year Old Virgin "Eileen" Awaiting Him in Paradise."

Hi-larious.

Your journalism is poignant, sexually-charged, and completely neutral. The thought of a water logged OBL in sweet, sweet Juicy Couture makes me think of the time I made love to a Pakistani Man on the log ride at Knott's Berry Farm.

Linda Medrano said...

Your headlines rock! And I joined your cult and became a "follower". How Jim Jones is that?

Denny DelVecchio said...

As a preliminary, this post cost me two Facebook fans. It was well worth it. Need to weed the terrorists out.

@Ex: Fucking editors sacked it.

@Doc Sin: Seems logical. Or he had something from Fall 2011.

@Vodka: That wasn't a log ride.

@LM: Who is Jim Jones? Did he play for the Colts?

Sarah P said...

Not soon enough!

singlegirlie said...

Ohhh, laughed out loud upon reading about the afterlife mixup. But how is it that Denny had not gotten to Eileen before she expired?

Methinks we need "Take the Wheel" guest post from Osama's ghost.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Sarah: Word.

@Single: Youthinks correctly. Will happen once things cool down for him in the boiling pit of Hades.

Penelope said...

Fuck those douches who bailed on fb. I said it. I particularly liked Oh Someone's Been Winning! Tis genius, sexy man. Genius!

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Penelope: If Denny knew what a genius was he'd probably be flattered.

Denny DelVecchio said...

There was a Good Nurse comment here, but it was stolen.

Still love your body and mind, me lady.

Nicki DelVecchio said...

"Reflective Nicki Minaj Admits Recent Track With Osama "Probably One Guest Jam Too Many."

Perfection.