Friday, June 24, 2011

Advance #80: Hot Summer Spanktacular



The Banana Hammock is snugly in place. Gunther Loverman is spitting and/or swallowing fat beats anew from my cassette tape player. And your staid, sexless existence is about to be magnificently betrayed by the Empresario of Girth.

Welcome to DelVecchonia, your new home planet. I hope that you stay awhile.


Pour Some Out: Dr. Dre quietly passes 1,000th simile mark.

Ample-bosomed pop starlet in retainer robustly jacked off to.

Report: Stock you bought last year fails to beat 10 Year Lipper Average.

Source: "Crazy" Waukesha Dad realizes boyhood dream of sticking head out of limo sunroof.

Cocaine vehemently denies abusing celebrity.

Straight actor finally marries beard.

Exclusive: Tommy John becomes Billionaire on back of pitchers' ruined elbows. 

My Giant: Director's Cut Redbox's first 75 cent movie.

Finger-wagging Lance Armstrong to Federal investigators: "I DIDN'T USE STEROIDS . . . . today."

It's not just my large penis anymore,
Denny DelVecchio

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Baby onion?

Your F-ing Ex-Wife and 2nd Cousin said...

I was very upset and surprised to see that Gunther Loverman did not route back to a text photo of your well oiled love missile Den.

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Anon: No, big daddy onions...and a big daddy bratwurst as well.

@YFEWA2C: Took hyperlink out after complaints from Peta.

nursemyra said...

Oh my god, Debbie Gibson looks terrifying

bschooled said...

There's something about red shorts and gold chain necklaces that makes me want to get my crimping iron on.

Sarah P said...

It's not just your gigantic penis anymore?

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Good Nurse: You made it all the way through. I'm proud of you.

@B: Crimping iron away, love. (And crimping iron=penis)

@SP: No. Yes.

singlegirlie said...

I have a retainer. Well, it's actually a night guard. Will you jack off to me?

I know, dumb question.

Denny DelVecchio said...

You're right.

Sarah P said...

Robustly?

Denny DelVecchio said...

Done.

Dr. Cynicism said...

I'm confused - did your penis write this?