Saturday, July 2, 2011

From the Bag of Tricks: The American Revolution (Spoiler Alert #7)



The Stamp Act of 1765.

The Boston Massacre of 1770.

The Tea Act of 1773.

The Intolerable Acts of 1774.

A lot of really bad shit was going down back in the day and, although there was no Denny DelVecchio around to single-handedly rally a weary and increasingly oppressed conglomeration of colonies into action with both sex appeal and swagger to burn, armed conflict and shouts of Freedom, Motherfuckers permeated the thick New England air.

And, several war-weary years later, just when things looked the bleakest, one or more of the homeboys on our money kicked their shit into overdrive and rallied for a series of stunning military conquests which paved the way for an incendiary victory party featuring Cher and a large phallic battleship--on, yes, the 4th of July.

Denny hates to give away the ending, but it was the Americans who were on that Bacchanalian pleasure cruise.

Happy Independence Day, American DelVecchians! (Your New Bad Habit also hopes that all of our friends in Europe, South America, Africa, Australia and Asia have kick ass 4th of July celebrations of their own today.)

Engorged With Patriotism,
Denny DelVecchio

12 comments:

Linda Medrano said...

Cher was quite something in that video. I love the subtle sexuality and the quiet nuances. Happy 4th, Dear! Stay safe!

Penelope said...

Shouting "Freedom Motherfuckers!" all weekend long. Oh, Cher. What thirty foot phallus *won't* you ride? xoxo

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Club Med: About as nuanced as Denny on Viagra (recreationally).

@P-Lope: Do it for G-Dub.

Elliot MacLeod-Michael said...

And that's the story of America.
+followed

Denny DelVecchio said...

@EMM: A DelVecchian welcome to the fold.

singlegirlie said...

Whoa! There were penises all over that video. Just one more reason to love Cher. My idol.

Denny DelVecchio said...

We all know Denny delivers the dick.

Your grandma with the wooden dentures said...

Those dates are not in chronological order. I'm pissed.

frigginloon said...

You forget Winona Ryder's Saks Fifth Ave Decree 2001!!! Sheez, Denny!!!!

Denny DelVecchio said...

@Grams: Grams?

@Loon: I need to be punished.

Dr. Cynicism said...

Based on this post, I am now trying to get someone in my university's history department fired, in order to open up a position for you. Please accept it Denny Dance.

Denny DelVecchio said...

Accept, with tenure.